The thing you can't hide

*beware there is questionable language- but i do have a point- bare with me.

The thing you cant hide.

In each of our lives there are things that we need; as humans we thrive off of them.  There are also things that are shunned about talking about- my mother tells me to use my manners when i talk about these things. I’m clearly still working on them. And i would have to say that working as a para has made them worse. (oops)  As most of you know, I have been blessed to change jobs to a ParaEducator. I know- I didn’t know what that meant either. Still don’t, but hey- that’s what i am!  Basically I work in the Special Ed classroom; i work with a specific student all morning, while still helping the other students as well.  There are details about this job that make it “crappy” (no pun intended- but really) but there are also details that make this job the most rewarding and the most uplifting job i’ve ever had.

There is not a dull moment in my everyday work life; for example: One student was racist to another student.  One student told me she liked my “ass” while trying to be rude to me.  One student had a temper tantrum, and another student got in an argument about a false relationship.  I see the Whip dance at least twice a day.  There is always someone talking or pacing the floor.  There’s always someone that wants to show me a pencil or their homework they finished.  There is always someone playing apples to apples. And there is always a puzzle on the table ready to be completed. There is always a fight about who gets the computer when they get done with their work.  oh boy, let me tell you about this one time.  One of the first weeks i started working, one had a temper tantrum, over a NON WORKING cell phone.  As we were sitting in a mainstream classroom, i had asked him to give the phone back to the owner- HE WAS SO LIVID.  That’s when I backed out of the situation.  The psychologist came in and was talking to him- he asked the student, “What can we do for you?” and the student (not knowing what he was really saying) said, “just shut the fuck up.” He said it over 5 times. The first time he said it, I was dying laughing. Of course quietly, or he would have told ME to do that ;) Then it escalated, the teacher had the rest of the class exit to a different classroom- and right when they left, the student kicked a desk over and was BALLING. He had no idea why he was feeling the way that he did.

The reason he swore was not because the f word made him feel powerful, but because the student heard it, whether on the TV, around school or elsewhere- he picked it up. Does he know what it means? NO.

For those things that are shunned, let me talk to you about it.

Because of the student i work with, and his condition, he is unable to use the restroom by himself. This experience has definitely opened up my eyes.  Let’s just say that they restroom is much funnier with an audience (i guess) something is always funny. He’s constantly laughing and about absolutely nothing.  Even though the restroom is something that is usually shunned when people talk about it, it’s something that has to be communicated everyday with the student and I so i know what transaction will be occurring.  The other day when he got off the bus, he looked very serious- not joking around like normal and not really saying anything.  After we got inside and he still looked lost I asked “what was wrong.” His response “ Well the lights make me tired, and I really gotta poop, so i’m concentrating”.  My face was probably priceless- OHHH. (aka i get to deal with it- mentally prep) We rushed to the bathroom, hoisted him up, and… NOTHING!!!!!! Technically I wasn’t too mad about that.  He is very open with me about the restroom, because he has to be.  If he wasn’t, i wouldn’t know what he needed.

It’s given me a completely different perspective on my life.  The restroom is something that we all use. it’s not a secret, but we all think it should be. Yanno manners? i told you i’m still working on it.  The other aid that assists me and the student told me “When i was younger,( she’s 65)  the restroom was something so private, and now that there are three of us in here, it’s not even a big deal to me anymore”.  It’s so true. It’s just something that has to be done. He never has had to hide it.

The other day, he was complaining that he had cramping in his legs. His electric chair requires his legs to stay in the same position 24/7, so i can understand why.  As he started to get anxious and jumpy, i kneeled down in front of him, wiggled my 5 fingers in front of his face, and in the most serious voice said, “how many fingers am i holding up”? He replied, “5”. I told him, “well then you’re fine”. At that exact moment, he calmed down, looked at me and smiled. From then on he didn’t feel the cramping as much.  I proceeded to tell him that we would love to do all of his stretches once we got back from lunch but right now he didn’t have to hide it, rather just put it aside for now.

I realized hours later that THAT was the most genius thing i’d ever done. 5 fingers mean that you have eye sight and you’re breathing enough to talk to me. You’re aware of what’s around you. You are alive. Yes, we can’t hide our feelings, but we can put them aside for moments at a time. Many people around us are so focused on their problems, stresses and worries that it gets the best of them. We need to see the bigger picture.  When we realize we are fine with who we are, what we do and what we have, we will be truly happy.  There will be nothing to hide.

Overall, your job is not as crappy as you think it is. Special Ed is the best place to always get a good 

laugh. These kids are literal angels. Don't take things so seriously. The restroom is not as private as 

you think it is. You don't have to hide anything, but you can put aside your feelings. I want all of you

that read this to think of the things that you realize you're more thankful for after reading this. 

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p.s Happy Thanksgiving.